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i was at mcdonalds and ordered chicken nuggies. the chick gave me a burger instead AND they put mayo on it. i got super pissed and grabbed the chick behind the counter by the ears and violently shook her head. i kept on saying “I TOLD YOU I’M ALLERGIC TO EGGS!!!” all pissed off in her face.
i just got out of the shower a little while ago, and i was about to turn around and go put mousse in my hair when (pun intended) my spidey senses were tingling. i turned around from the computer and under my bed was a HUGE (medium sized) spider. just staring, chillin… i don’t know what he was doing. when you think about it, he was really just sitting on death row about to be executed.
so i wear flip flops around the house, and still i find that a little too thin of a line to smash a huge spider… but i knew i wasn’t sleeping if i didn’t murder that bastard right then and there. so i shoved my foot in and slid. and apparently… i missed. :(
first thing i think of after looking at the bottom of my gutless flip flop:
i was in immediate denial, and then i thought i may have hallucinated the damn thing… and finally i thought to myself, “oh fuck this, i won’t be able to sleep tonight if i don’t find this thing”. so i went on my hunt. i poked boxes underneath with the broom, hit boxes around, sent the cat underneath, lifted the mattress, couldn’t find it. i nearly gave up when i thought to check behind the headboard. and there was the little fucker in the corner.
actual dialogue from the murder: (note: i was nude, with only a tough face and a turbie twist on.)
“oh, there you are, you little fuck. oh yeah, you little fuck? you think you’re fucking smarter than me? FUCK YOU!!!”
then i got a can of raid and tried to drown it, but it did absolutely nothing but slow it down a little… and it started walking towards me and i smashed it to smithereens.
let’s just hope it didn’t have any friends or family that witnessed the bloodbath that ensued.
i can’t remember if i already mentioned this to or not… but if you have instagram, find me and add me! (un: stujessica …duh!)
anyone with an iphone on instagram? add me and i’ll add ya back handle: stujessica (…duh.)
i was quickly/loudly sifting through folders in the explorer pane in homesite (the program i use to code websites) with the arrows on my keyboard, and i realized that it sounded like the beginning/was in the tune of “the power” by snap!
also: sometimes when i’m typing certain things at work (i’ll have to pinpoint what it is at a different time since it’s a rarity, but i know that i only do it while i’m at work) - it sounds like the terminator theme song… like the beginning of it, that whole DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM… thing…
how do i have friends?
hurry, someone talk me out of a (non-shaven) long chelsea cut and buying all skin tight pants and doc martens :x
BECAUSE I’M ABOUT TO.
my coworker and i were just joking about killing me because i’ve had a horrible day, again… i told him if he kills me, to ensure that my eyeballs and organs get donated. i mean, i don’t know if my organs are in the most amazing shape with all the shit i drink and things i’ve done, but hey - feel free to give it a whirl…
so if anything ever happens to me, whoever reads this that knows me in real life… let whoever know that’s what i’d like to do (in case i can’t).
(sorry for the morbid post, but if i can help someone else out that needs it, i’d love to.)
me: (texting my brother) guess what?
chris: what, you hit the lotto??
me: nah …SHITCOMA
chris: hahaha don’t go to sleep
me: lol sleep coding
chris: do like your coworker - power nap haha (reference this twitpic if you’re lost…)
so my brother is coming to stay with me for a bit? (no idea how long - a week or two?)… things weren’t working out for him in boston with his ex and he’s coming back to NYC…
first things that go through my mind:
a) hide all sex toys/rubbers
b) bury pr0n bookmarks
c) no more nude: cooking, cleaning, dancing, coding, sleeping - CRAPWURST! :(
d) no chance at getting any booty at all
e) he’d better not even dream of touching my computer
not “oooh i get to spend some quality time with my brother, lol”